It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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