Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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