There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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