Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
