i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
