Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
