She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
