She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
