I heard we made out
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
