I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
