Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
