No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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