Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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