I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
