If that was your dad, he is hot
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
