When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
