New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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