she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
