why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
