I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
