I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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