anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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