Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
