I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
