that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
