she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
