I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
