and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
