People in love make me want to vomit
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
