My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
