I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
