Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
do herpes really smell.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
