he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
