In the future we'll all be gay
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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