Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
