who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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