he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
