You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
