So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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