the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
