but the lizard people decide everything anyway
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't deserve a penis
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
