I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
