Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
