She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
