Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
