Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Holy shit dude........stairs
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
