I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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