Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
