Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
