I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
