no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
