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I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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