I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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